Jan
09
2009
A giant panda in captivity recently attacked a man who dropped into the bear’s enclosure to retrieve a toy. The incident occurred at a Beijing zoo–and apparently no one told this guy that the panda, named Gugu, has a history of biting people. Gugu, who weighs 240 pounds, once attacked a drunk guy who jumped into the enclosure and tried to give the panda a hug. The bear also bit a teenager who climbed into the panda’s lair out of “curiosity.”
Rumor has it that the zoo animals have begun to circulate quips about Gugu, such as Gugu can teach an old dog new tricks; and Gugu always looks a gift horse in the mouth, just to decide whether it’ll be the appetizer or the main course.
Kind of makes you wonder who’d win in a fight, Gugu or Chuck Norris? Chuck Norris would seem to have the advantage, but PETA’s the wildcard.
Jan
08
2009
Chuck Norris doesn’t spar, he just delays his opponent’s defeat. It’s a proven fact, at least if you trust in YouTube. People who wonder how Chuck was crowned as uber-tough-guy-of-the-Internet need only watch a few of his fight scenes—because Chuck got to be a badass long before animals had rights. Not only did he swing his limber Law and Order (left and right legs) at humans, he also threw a few beard-covered fists at animals too. It’s rare that a fighting personality today would have the opportunity to do battle with animals (real animals, not aliens and other made-up creatures), mainly because the idea of humans beating up or (gulp) eating helpless animals is considered distasteful.
But it was kinda cool when Chuck Norris did it. Check it out:
Not many other action stars can claim victory over bears and rodents. To be fair, the Incredible Hulk did fight with a bear once too. Hulky, the wimp, had to throw his bear to get rid of it. Chuck just stared at his bear until it turned and ran away.
Now the rat thing, that’s just sick. Not even Hulk would go there.
Jan
07
2009
“It’s the year 19xx. Chuck Norris, after an unfortunate accident in which he ran around the world and punched himself in the back of the head, lost all his special abilities due to amnesia.”
That’s the prologue for Gameloft’s Chuck Norris: Bring on the Pain cell phone game. As you can see, the game relies heavily on the fearless and almighty Chuck Norris of Internet lore. You can check it out by playing the demo at Gameloft.com; the demo features you-as-Chuck walking through the jungle with a rather large gun, on a mission to rescue POWs. You get to shoot some guys, sidestep falling bombs and drop to the ground for some impromptu pushing-the-Earth-down exercises. You’re also periodically treated to a Chuck Norris Fact such as, “Chuck Norris would never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t foolish enough to attack him.”
If you’re a fan of Chuck Norris jokes, you aren’t going to regret the $4 investment in this game. It isn’t compelling or addicting, but it is amusing.
Chuck Norris: Bring on the Pain is available for select model phones of these brand names: BlackBerry, HTC, LG, Motorola, Nokia, Pantech, Samsung and Sony Ericsson.
