All Things Chuck Norris

Having come across an old ad for Chuck Norris Action Jeans recently, I was prompted to brainstorm on all the products Mr. Norris has endorsed over the years. Chuck Norris Coloring Books , video games, cell phone games, T-shirts, books and, of course, the Total Gym…to name a few. But you know, it still seems like Chuck is underselling himself. Seriously. There could be so much more to the Chuck Norris franchise. Here are a few ideas:

Chuck Norris Can Opener. Opens cans and strangles intruders. Requires special gloves made of Chuck Norris leather so as not to chafe the skin.

Chuck Norris Solar Panels. Requires no sunlight! Works 24/7! Only recommended for homes in icy climates, since the heating action can be volatile.

Chuck Norris Last Resort Dog Trainer. It’ll make your dog stop barking, guaranteed. Like a frontal lobotomy for dogs, at the push of a button. No mess!

Chuck Norris Manscape Kit. You’re just three steps away from growing your very own bushy red chest hair. Skin test required. Severe disfigurement could result. Not for use on back or bikini area.

Chuck Norris Dress Shirt. There are no buttons on this button-down, because you don’t need ‘em. Drive women wild by wearing the Chuck Norris Dress Shirt wide open, tucked into a pair of Chuck Norris Action Jeans. Bullet belts sold separately.

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