All Things Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris spoke to a crowd of college students and other looky-loos at Kent University on Sunday. Norris is on the road signing his book and preaching politics and morality. Some theorize that Chuck doesn’t actually say anything during these appearances—he just implants his perspectives into the minds of his audience. This theory is partially supported by something the Kent audience “heard” him say: that he once had a fear of public speaking.

Anyway, the theme of Norris’ talk seemed to revolve around personal integrity. He encouraged his listeners to rely on personal determination to overcome obstacles. He expressed the need to stay positive mentally, because you never know when something else will get in your way. He also spoke fondly of his desire to choke dishonest politicians with his bare hands, one by one. Seriously. He even cracked a few Chuck Norris jokes. He likes the one about Mt. Rushmore apparently. No one who attended the talk could recall clearly whether Norris provided any of his “speech” in Braille.

Question for you Chuck: When are you coming to the West Coast?

Kent State University in Kent, Ohio will be hosting a political festival called “We the People” from September 26 to September 28. Scheduled activities include a film festival, along with speeches by various well known directors, producers and politicians and the man who cannot be categorized, Chuck Norris. Norris will be speaking at the University’s Cartwright Hall at 3pm on September 28—and for a mere $10, you can get in to hear what he has to say. Rumor has it he’ll be signing copies of his book Black Belt Patriotism after his talk.

If you’d like to be graced with the words of the Norris and see some movies too, you can buy a full access pass for $50; it’s good for the whole weekend. There’s been a rumor circulating that Kanye West is going to be there too, but the Kent State people are denying it.

For more information, click here .

Chuck Norris is scheduled to speak at Furman University on Monday, September 29 at 7:30 pm. He intends to lecture about his own accomplishments as well as his political and moral perspectives. Earlier this month, Chuck released a new book entitled Black Belt Patriotism, which outlines his vision for America; the book has already found its way onto The New York Times‘ Best-Seller List.

Chuck has been in the news a lot lately, having taken an outspoken stance on the presidential race and specific political issues, including border security and the war in the Middle East. His appearance at Furman University is likely to draw a crowd, given that his fan base includes those who respect his political views and those who respect his super-human powers as detailed on the Internet. The event will be held in McAlister Auditorium and is free to the public. Following his lecture, Chuck will answer questions from the audience and sign his book for attendees.

Having come across an old ad for Chuck Norris Action Jeans recently, I was prompted to brainstorm on all the products Mr. Norris has endorsed over the years. Chuck Norris Coloring Books , video games, cell phone games, T-shirts, books and, of course, the Total Gym…to name a few. But you know, it still seems like Chuck is underselling himself. Seriously. There could be so much more to the Chuck Norris franchise. Here are a few ideas:

Chuck Norris Can Opener. Opens cans and strangles intruders. Requires special gloves made of Chuck Norris leather so as not to chafe the skin.

Chuck Norris Solar Panels. Requires no sunlight! Works 24/7! Only recommended for homes in icy climates, since the heating action can be volatile.

Chuck Norris Last Resort Dog Trainer. It’ll make your dog stop barking, guaranteed. Like a frontal lobotomy for dogs, at the push of a button. No mess!

Chuck Norris Manscape Kit. You’re just three steps away from growing your very own bushy red chest hair. Skin test required. Severe disfigurement could result. Not for use on back or bikini area.

Chuck Norris Dress Shirt. There are no buttons on this button-down, because you don’t need ‘em. Drive women wild by wearing the Chuck Norris Dress Shirt wide open, tucked into a pair of Chuck Norris Action Jeans. Bullet belts sold separately.

Mac users can now get their Chuck Norris Facts fix with the Chuck Norris Facts widget. If you don’t get it or see why this would be useful, please comment to this post with your geographic location. Others might want to steer clear, in the event some horrible fate should befall you.

The widget is free to download here and serves to remind you of the essential facts about the Great One himself. The screenshot shown at the download page, for example, informs you that since 1940, deaths by roundhouse have increased 13,000 percent. Clearly, these are words to live by.

Sorry, Windows people, this is for Macs only.

Chuck Norris appeared on Larry King Live the other day to face off against Arianna Huffington. Presumably his intention in doing this was to represent for McCain and Sarah Palin, while Huffington stood up for the Obama/Biden duo. If you saw the clip, you know that this was not Chuck Norris’ finest moment. It was, probably, his worst. He provided irrelevant responses to Huffington’s questions, interrupted her numerous times, and laughed at her. Apparently, Chuck Norris forgot Rule Number 3 in his own Chun Kuk Do code of ethics:

“I will always be in a positive frame of mind and convey this feeling to every person that I meet.”

So sad.

Chuck, if you’re out there, please take this advice: You don’t need to act like that. Convey your beliefs with confidence that you are right, not with disgust that your opponent is wrong. Respect Arianna Huffington and her kind for giving you something you can fight for. You wouldn’t need conviction if you didn’t have the opposition. And remember, Chuck, in the eyes of many, you represent the hope, nay, the dream that humans can push themselves to achieve the impossible. Don’t ruin it by being a jerk.

“I will forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements”

Digging around on Chuck Norris’ life and history turns up remarkably few scandals, which is unusual for  a man of his accomplishments. He does have a child who was born from extra-marital encounter, he did divorce his first wife and, nine years later, married a woman 28 years his junior. But this is pretty mild stuff for a 68-year-old guy who’s been famous for a long time. Even more unusual, Norris has been painfully open about his personal mistakes, openly addressing his out-of-wedlock daughter and the demise of his first marriage in interviews and in his autobiography. Of his first marriage, he said, “The divorce was mainly caused by my getting hooked and addicted to the secular Hollywood lifestyle and drifting from God.” Based on that, you can add ultimate humility to the list of Chuck’s super-human qualities.

True to his own code of ethics, Chuck has since moved on, throwing his energies into his current marriage, his books, political musings and the charity and fighting organizations he supports.

Chuck Norris likes Sarah Palin, and not just because she can file her nails and eat trail mix while giving birth. Norris’ WorldNetDaily column this week, entitled “The Maverette” discusses Palin’s role in McCain’s bid for president and the potential for her to serve as Vice President of the United States. Chuck says tough-as-nails Palin is EXACTLY what McCain and the U.S. needs, a no-nonsense reformer who doesn’t play Capitol Hill power games.

In Chuck’s view, our government is overrun with corruption and ego. Not enough of our leaders care as much about what’s right as they do about keeping their jobs and their high-power relationships. And this is a big reason why all politicians promise change, but very few deliver. Some people, including Chuck Norris, believe that Sarah Palin is one of those few.

Funny thing is, Chuck even throws out a half-dare to Oprah Winfrey, who’s said that she won’t have Sarah Palin on her show until after the election (even though Obama and his wife are practically regulars). You scared of a hockey mom, Oprah? Or worried that people might actually take to Sarah Palin?

And so it seems Chuck Norris will be casting his vote for the McCain/Palin ticket. Sorry Bob Barr, Chuck’s just not that into you.

Read the full text of Norris’ column here .

Chuck Norris may be better known as the only human who can speak braille and make himself invisible at will, but he is also the creator of a martial arts system known as Chun Kuk Do (CKD) or “The Universal Way.” CKD is a fighting art as well as a spiritual practice. Norris developed it by combining aspects of Tang Soo Do and other martial arts styles into one, cohesive system.

CKD has a 12-point Code of Ethics. Today’s principle is:

“I will develop myself to the maximum potential in all ways.”

Translating this into Internet speak, this means Chuck Norris’ fighting skills are so refined that he can cause physical harm (bruises, bloody noses, even broken bones) to those who are sitting too close to the television when watching “Walker, Texas Ranger.”

“Now, more than ever, is the time to join the NObama-nation revolution. No way. No how. NObama.” Those are fightin’ words from Chuck Norris, a guy who definitely shouldn’t be provoked. In his World Net Daily column, Norris is highly critical of the mystical, overpowering setting that enveloped Obama at Invesco Field last Thursday evening–a setting that Norris implies was designed to cover up Obama’s lack of substance.

Actually, Norris isn’t the only one who’s poked fun at Obama’s flair for the dramatic. The World Newser Daily Blog   shows images of two strikingly similar stage sets; one is the American Idol set and the other is the DNC set. The New York Post referred to the DNC set an Obama temple, while the Telegraph (U.K.) said the surroundings were God-like.

Norris’ column practically demands that Americans snap out of the reverie created by the Obamysticism and Barack’s endless repetition of the word “change.” Remember, Norris argues, how Hillary Clinton and her husband and Joe Biden all bagged on Obama? Remember how they all said he wasn’t experienced, how Bill Clinton even called the Obama campaign a “fairy tale?”

The cry for a Nobama Revolution is a pretty strong indication that Chuck Norris is attempting to mobilize his fans and supporters for a global Internet Obama shake-down. Perhaps Chuck Norris himself is the one who’s been touting Sara Palin as the Creator of the Internet, Speaker of Braille and Global, Unstoppable Fighter for Justice. Note to Obama: if Sara Palin can roundhouse kick your dog and it makes you cry, you’ve got no chance, no matter how big your stage is.

For the full text of Chuck Norris’ column, click here .